Hardcore Brokenness: An Intro to 2012

What a cheerful way to start the new year!

Over the last couple of days, God has been convicting me hardcore of my own brokenness. I think I had gotten to a point in my walk where I was overconfident. I felt like I was doing so many things right that I could get away with not dealing with issues in my character. Over the last couple of days, I have made a couple of bad decisions, most small and unnoticeable, but all of them enough to make me think twice about them after.

I think over the last few years, I have always been aware that God was up to things in my life. I was always aware of what 'season' my life was in- be it a season of growth in leadership, or knowledge, or giftings- but I always just attributed that to 'what God is doing while I sit back and watch things happen.' It's always been about noticing the trends in the things that I'm learning about and trying to think about how to apply those things in my life. What I realized is that never have I felt like I had to really do anything for any of this to happen- it was just a matter of blindly trusting God to work through me. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that kind of faith.

But what was missing was intentionality on my part. It's always been about sitting back and letting things happen, and never about being the co-pilot. It was lazy. Lazy growth. It's like planting a flower in a spot that gets perfect sunlight and is conveniently placed right under a drop of water that falls like once or twice a week, just enough to give it the hydration and nourishment it needs to grow, then going inside and watching it happen. It's like buying those little cups of microwavable Kraft Dinner instead of getting a box and cooking it yourself (or, you know, making real mac 'n' cheese, but whatever).

Over the last few days, I've felt God really convicting me of my need to be more intentional about dealing with the issues in my character. 2012 is definitely going to be a season of growth in that area for me. I expect this year to break me. God's going to tear me in half, have me in tears, punch me in the kidney and break my heart at least once. I also expect this year to yield incredible results. I expect God to pull up all the things I've let harden my heart, to bring things out of the darkness and into the light, and to show me how to become a better servant in His Kingdom, starting with the way I am in my heart.

So I'm going to invite you to open up to Him this year: Ask him to break you. Take the chance. I'll be praying for this every day. I fully expect to be an emotional wreck within the next month or two. Exciting! Expect a post about this every Wednesday! There will also be other stuff at random times, but I am trying to be more regular about my posts, so you can check back every Wednesday for a new post about how God's changing my attitude this year, as well as at other, less planned times in the week for just general postings.

Prayerfully yours,

Tom